The Power of Paternal Presence

In her book The Mind of the Maker, Dorothy Sayers draws attention to an important detail about the nature of man as the image-bearer of God. Considering Genesis 1, when God says, “Let us make man in our image,” Sayers observes that at this point in history, we do not know a lot about what God is like; he has not shown us yet. Sayers writes, “When we turn back to see what [the author of Genesis] says about the original upon which the ‘image’ of God was modelled, we find only the single assertion, ‘God created.’ The characteristic common to God and man is apparently that: the desire and the ability to make things.”

The insightfulness of Sayers’ observation is reinforced just a couple of verses later in Genesis, where we see that the Lord’s first command to His newly created man and woman is a command to make: “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it” (Gen 1:28). The work of filling and subduing is what theologians sometimes call the cultural mandate: the commission to build, to take the raw materials of the earth and turn a profit on them to the glory of God. This reality has powerful implications for how we approach the work of education.

In what follows, I would like to consider some principles that I believe that Scripture gives us for understanding the responsibility of fathers in the education of their children and offer a few practical suggestions for how to apply them. It is my hope that this will not only prompt fathers to think about the important role that they play in helping their children thrive in school but also encourage families to partner with their schools to raise godly students and help build strong, faithful institutions.

One thing to notice about the cultural mandate is that it is inescapable. This is the way that God created us, so we cannot help but build. As fathers, we set the tone, the pace, and the priorities for our homes. Whether we do it consciously or not, we are all building our homes; the only question is whether we are building in a God-honouring direction or in a direction that goes against God’s calling. As fathers, we have the privilege and responsibility of raising children who, by God’s grace, will carry the truth and hope of the gospel into the next generation. This is a noble calling, and one day we will stand before God and give an account of how faithfully we did it.

One principle that can help us keep a proper perspective in this regard is to remember what it is that we are building. Another way to say this is that we need to begin with the end in mind. Our job is not to take a 5-year-old and turn him into a somewhat better-informed and better-behaved 6-year-old, repeat ten times, and then see what we get when we are done. The Psalmist speaks of the unique nature of man as lord of all creation, in submission to God the creator: “You have given him dominion over the works of your hands; you have put all things under his feet” (Ps 8:6). This is the work that God has entrusted to us—and our children after us—as His image-bearers. We should desire to see our children grow up into thoughtful, godly, and capable adults, living images of biblical virtue, ruling with wisdom and righteousness over their areas of responsibility. This necessarily happens by faint degrees, but each of those degrees is meant to be a link in the chain, reinforcing and reinforced by each of the other links, not a bucketful of discrete, disconnected facts and accomplishments.

This leads to an important related principle: make a habit of cultivating your own virtue. The Lord taught His people through Moses that we are to keep our souls diligently, to remember what God has done for us, and to make His acts “known to [our] children and [our] children’s children” (Deut 4:9). Many fathers like the idea of a classical Christian education for their children, but because they did not receive such an education themselves, they can be tempted to disengage from this aspect of their children’s lives—is that not what the school is for? But this is a pernicious temptation. God has designed men, and fathers in particular, to take responsibility, and abdication of responsibility is the archetypal masculine sin, beginning with Adam and continuing down throughout biblical history. If we want our children to be wise, disciplined, and godly, if we want them to think clearly and speak compellingly, then we must provide them with a living example of those virtues that they can imitate.

Again, this is a high calling, and we should not be surprised if the work stretches us in places that we have not stretched for a long time. With that in mind, I want to list a few practical ways to apply this principle.

Before and after all of the Socratic dialogues and Latin declensions, classical Christian education emphasizes forming the soul to fit the pattern exemplified by Christ—a humble, godly, teachable spirit, pursuing its God-given work (Isa 50:5; Heb 10:7). We do not need to become experts in every area of our children’s studies, but being attentive to what they are learning helps us to cultivate our own virtue in imitation of Christ. For example, you could ask your children to recite memory work, narrate the plot of a story, or tell you about a historical figure that they have been studying. This will better familiarize you with the school and curriculum, but more importantly, it will demonstrate to your children the importance of a teachable spirit.

In addition to their schoolwork, read to your children every day, especially if they are not old enough to read to themselves. It is worth reviewing and restructuring your family schedule to create space for this activity. In our house, we give the last half hour before bed to a family read-aloud. Because we have boys and girls in our family, we pick books that can be enjoyed by both boys and girls at a range of ages, such as The Chronicles of Narnia. If you are stuck for ideas, your children’s teachers can offer some good book recommendations. Give young children quiet activities, such as play dough or colouring, while you read to them. Don’t worry if they do not get every detail; they will retain more than you might think.

Take the initiative to memorize a Psalm or poem. Read it out loud once every day, and invite your family to join in. Take turns reciting to each other. Master it and repeat with a different Psalm or poem, increasing the length and difficulty as you improve. You will expand your repertoire and fill your soul with good, time-tested works that will stay with you forever. More to the point, you will show your kids that their education and training is something that you take seriously and want to share with them.

Finally, remember that schools are servants. It is common for classical Christian schools to use the phrase in loco parentis (in the place of parents) to describe their understanding of the school’s own role in training children. As fathers, when we send our children to school, we are delegating a level of our God-given authority to the teacher, implicitly telling our children to become like that teacher. It is important that the values and priorities of the school align with the goals you have for your children, and you will not know whether this is so if you are not paying attention. Make an effort to attend school events. Of course, you should go to after-hours events such as concerts and plays, but try to be a more regular presence than that. Most schools will have a weekly chapel session, a monthly book club, and other regular events to which parents are invited. Take the time to get to know the staff and other parents. Offer to share an interesting skill or hobby with students or fellow parents; many years later I still remember the time the grandfather of my daughter’s classmate gave an evening seminar on calligraphy. In short, take responsibility for your children’s education by making sure that you understand and support the way that your children are being taught. One of the surest ways of doing this is by being involved in the life of the school.

Fathers are ultimately accountable for their families, including the significant task of their children’s education. Whether you are homeschooling or enrolling your children in a day school, the buck stops with you, and even if you did not receive the kind of education that your children are receiving, there are steps that you can take and principles that you can apply to help your children’s learning, develop your own character, and strengthen the school that you have entrusted to help you in this task.